Preserved by Purpose:  Bigmama’s Wisdom

One of my favorite memories of my grandmother was spending time with her at her house when I would visit San Antonio.   We’d talk about a number of things:  her health, my health, and, of course, family drama.   After these few “pleasantries,” we get down to the fun stuff:   men and relationships.   Even though she encouraged me to do well professionally, she also encouraged me to work just as hard to “find a man!”    Now she wasn’t like Tyler Perry’s Madea Simmons who believes in “getting the getters before they get you.”  Her attitude was more cautious and reactive…and she always gave me great advice on how to react when things were about to go or went crazy in relationships.   

Proverbs 15:22 mentions that “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”  Below is a list of some practical advice that someone sent to me that reminds me of some of the wisdom Bigmama often shared with me.

1.     If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

2.     Slower is better.

3.     If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck NO you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

4.     Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.

5.     Don't settle... If you settle for less than what you deserve, you get LESS than what you settled for.

6.     Honorable men take care of their business and aren't involved in a whole lot of mess.

7.     There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you.

8.     Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

9.     If he doesn't call, he just isn't that interested. And that's OK!

10. Be honest and upfront.

11. Don't fall for the cop outs: "I'm confused." "I don't know what I want." "I'm afraid of a serious relationship." Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out

12. If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom) and how they perceive him.

13. Demand respect and if he can't give it, he can't have you!

14. Learn to GIVE UP your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and someone unloving-loving.

15. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

16. Never let a man mess up your credit.

17. Good men should be treated like good men.

18. Never co-sign for a man and never move into his mother's house.

Shewanda Riley is the author of the Essence best-seller "Love Hangover: Moving From Pain to Purpose after a Relationship ends." She can be reached at lovehangover@juno.com, at www.shewandariley.com or www.anointedauthorsontour.com